Bouncing Back: 30 Unforgettable Life Lessons Learned Through Adversity

Last Updated on March 6, 2025 by Jess Brown

Life has a funny way of teaching us its most valuable lessons through experience, often when we least expect it. As I reflect on my 30s, especially the past year, I realize this decade was a masterclass in personal growth, filled with both triumphs and unpleasant experiences. Life experiences are often our best teacher, and the past years have been no exception.

I lost my paternal grandmother when I was 30 and my maternal grandmother when I was 39. My estranged father died unexpectedly and very tragically in 2018. I got married at age 32. I went on my first trip overseas trip to Southeast Asia by myself at age 35. It was one of the best things I ever did. I quit a job I hated and was slowly killing me after 12 years at age 37. These are some of the big events of my 30’s.

From losing loved ones to embarking on solo adventures, each experience shaped me in profound ways. In this post, I’m sharing 30 life lessons I learned the hard way, along with thought-provoking journal prompts to help you apply these insights to your own life journey.

Lessons Learned the Hard Way in Personal Growth and Action

1. Take One Action Every Day: The most successful people show up every day, regardless of how they feel. It doesn’t have to be a huge thing – just one step towards your goals. Over time, these small actions compound into significant results. This is the only way to build momentum and improve your problem-solving skills over time.

The most successful people show up every day regardless if they feel like it or not. It doesn’t have to be a huge thing every day, just something that will bring you one step closer to your goals and dreams. It could be a phone call, sending an email, a quick 10-minute workout.

These are things that are so easy to do, but the only thing is, they’re also easy not to do. They’re a show of good faith to the Universe that you’re committed to taking action and building momentum. When you make the decision to make your one action a day non-negotiable over time these small things compound.

You won’t see results right away, but 3, 6 or 9 months down the road you’ll be shocked at how far you’ve come.

Journal Prompt: What one small action can you commit to doing daily that aligns with your biggest goal? How might your life look different in 6 months if you stick to this commitment?

2. Be deliberate: Be Deliberate Having a purpose and a plan attracts opportunities. Living with intention beats drifting through life every time. Living with intention is a better way to approach life than drifting aimlessly.

If you have a purpose and a plan, you’ll attract opportunity. If you drift through life, you’ll just get the leftovers from the people who are living deliberately.

“To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you that you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Journal Prompt: Imagine your ideal life five years from now. What deliberate choices can you make today to move closer to that vision?

3. Challenge what you think you know: Question everything, including your own beliefs. Listen to opposing viewpoints with an open mind to avoid living in an echo chamber. This mindset can be a great teacher, pushing you out of your comfort zone and expanding your perspectives.

Question everything, including your own values and beliefs. Listen to opposing viewpoints with an open, non-judging attitude. Confirmation bias is real (when you seek and interpret evidence to confirm what you already believe to be true) and if you always look to those you agree with you’ll always live in a bubble and never grow personally.

Journal Prompt: Identify a strongly held belief you have. What evidence contradicts this belief? How might challenging this belief lead to personal growth?

4. Be Kind: Kindness matters, both online and in person. It’s a good idea to avoid toxic interactions and choose to spread positivity instead.

Be kind wherever you go – online and in person. About a year ago I made the mistake of reading the comments on a Facebook post on a hotly debated topic.

I read 3 comments and literally felt sick to my stomach at how disgustingly mean people were being. You’re never going to change hearts and minds by leaving a scathing comment on social media. It’s not going to happen. So why waste your time and lower your vibe by partaking in even a second of it.

When you see these toxic threads, ask yourself why you feel drawn to it and feel compelled to comment. Is it going to improve your life by reading and commenting? Is it going to collectively improve things for the world? The answer will always be no if you’re honest with yourself. So skip it and find something that will enhance your life or the lives of others. I believe we can reduce toxicity online and real-life one person at a time by simply choosing not to participate in it.

Journal Prompt: Recall a time when someone’s kindness made a significant impact on you. How can you pay that kindness forward this week?

For some humor on how asinine it truly is online, check out this video by JP Sear. I laugh every time.

5. Pause When You Need To, But Not For Long: It’s okay to take breaks, but don’t let them derail your progress. Consistency is the key to achieving your goals. Consistency is key, even if you have a hard time staying motivated.

If you need to pause, go ahead and do it. But never for more than two days…two days can easily turn into 3, 5, or 7 days of not doing your thing. And then you’re out of practice. Don’t stop. Perseverance and consistency matter.

I used to have an all or nothing attitude about changing behavior, especially with weight loss and getting in shape. I’d say to myself, “Well, I didn’t eat what I was supposed to today so I might as well just give up. I’ll never meet my goals.”

This kept me stuck for YEARS…

So what if you mess up or even consciously choose to go off your plan for a short period of time. This has nothing to do with your long-term success as long as you don’t quit your goal. Just start fresh the next day. You don’t have to be perfect, just keep going.

Journal Prompt: What project or habit have you paused recently? What’s one small step you can take today to get back on track?

Lessons in Productivity and Self-Care

6. Do What You Hate and Do It First: Tackle challenging tasks early in the day to set yourself up for success and eliminate dread. This sets your day up for success and puts you on the path to accomplishing even more, much like ripping off a band-aid.

As stated by Marisa Peer, world-renowned hypnotherapist. According to Marisa, successful people do what they don’t want to do (in order to get to where they want to go) right away.

Don’t put it off until later in the day.

Whether it’s bookkeeping, making an unpleasant phone call, having a difficult conversation, exercising or even just a chore you don’t like, do it first. This sets your day up for success and puts you on the path to accomplishing even more.

Putting the thing you hate off has the opposite effect on your day because you’re wasting time dreading what you could already have done. You can’t wait for motivation to show up; it’s not going to happen.

Motivation comes when you just get started. Even if you tell yourself you only have to exercise for 5 minutes. Once you get started oftentimes motivation will set in and you’ll feel like working out a lot longer.

Journal Prompt: What task have you been avoiding? How would completing it first thing tomorrow impact your day and mindset?

7. It’s Not Selfish to Put Yourself First: Self-care enables you to show up better in all areas of your life. Being your own best friend enables you to show up better in all areas of your life, including romantic relationships.

When you take care of yourself, you’ll show up better in all areas of your life. Whether it’s taking time alone, exercising, meditating, praying, buying yourself something, etc. If it energizes you and brings you joy, know you’re worth it and it’s okay.

Journal Prompt: In what areas of your life do you need to prioritize self-care? What’s one self-care activity you can schedule this week?

8. Stop Being Shocked When the World Isn’t Fair: Life isn’t always fair. Learn from challenges and use them as opportunities to grow stronger.

That’s like being a deer and expecting a wolf not to eat you because you didn’t eat him first. Life isn’t fair at times so don’t be surprised when things don’t go your way. Bad things really do happen to good people at times. Learn from crappy circumstances, use them as practice for responding, rather than reacting to upsetting things. Find the value in the pain and become stronger.

Journal Prompt: Describe a recent unfair situation you encountered. How can you reframe this experience as a chance for growth or learning?

9. Don’t Hold Grudges: Letting go of resentment frees up your energy for positive pursuits. Letting go of resentment frees up your energy for positive pursuits and can improve your mental health.

Don’t be a doormat either, but ask yourself if the grudge is really worth it. Do you even remember why you’re angry with the person? In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? And even if you don’t want to forgive someone directly, at least do it on your own. Holding onto resentment is negative energy you don’t need and it does hold you back from manifesting true freedom and happiness.

Journal Prompt: Is there someone you’re holding a grudge against? Write a letter (that you don’t have to send) forgiving them and releasing the grudge.

10. Limit Contact with Toxic People: Protect your energy by setting boundaries with negative influences in your life.

We all know at least a few toxic people. They’re always negative, love to complain, are mean, ungrateful, love to gossip, rude and don’t give a rip about anyone but themselves most of the time. These people could be friends, but they’re often family members too.

Limit your contact with them or if you’re able, cut them loose altogether. Yes, it’s hard and sad, but life is too short to have added stress and drama you wouldn’t have if this person wasn’t in your life. Refer to #9 and truly wish them well, but cut. them. loose.

Journal Prompt: Identify a toxic relationship in your life. What boundaries can you set to protect your well-being while maintaining necessary interactions?

Lessons in Perspective and Understanding

11. Life is Really Short: Time flies by quickly. Don’t put off important things or experiences. I went to bed feeling like I was in high school and woke up 40. Life goes by so damn fast.

I went to bed 19 and woke up 40. Life goes by so damn fast, like flipping through pages of a new book you can’t put down. Stop putting off today what you think you’ll just do another day. If it matters, do it now. Those “somedays” quickly turn into missed opportunities.

Journal Prompt: What’s one thing you’ve been putting off “for someday”? How can you take a step towards making it happen this month?

12. Just Because You Don’t Understand It, Doesn’t Mean It’s Wrong: Be open to different perspectives and avoid quick judgments.

And just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean they’re offensive, racist, bigoted, xenophobic or misogynistic or any of those other overused buzzwords. Don’t be so quick to label people.

It’s not your job or place to shame people online or try to change them. It’s okay to disagree and it’s okay if others disagree with you. It’s not a big deal unless you make it one. It’s not horrible or offensive unless you tell yourself it is. Being outraged all the time is NOT going to help your overall happiness and fulfillment in life.

Journal Prompt: Recall a recent disagreement you had. How might the situation look from the other person’s perspective?

13. Do Your Own Research: Look at multiple sources and viewpoints to form a well-rounded understanding of issues.

Don’t look at the same resource for your information, look at all angles, even viewpoints you don’t believe in for a full understanding of what’s truly going on.

Journal Prompt: Choose a topic you feel strongly about. What opposing viewpoints haven’t you considered? How might researching these broaden your understanding?

14. Being Busy Doesn’t Mean You’re Productive: Focus on tasks that move you toward your goals rather than just filling time.

It’s interesting to me how so many people seem to wear being busy as a badge of honor. Being busy doesn’t mean much, doing the right tasks that move you toward your goals is so much more important. If you focus on being productive rather than busy, you can get a whole lot done and still enjoy downtime.

Journal Prompt: Review your activities from the past week. Which ones truly aligned with your goals, and which were just “busy work”?

15. Stop Saying You Don’t Have Time: Be honest about your priorities instead of using lack of time as an excuse. If you don’t have time, it’s obviously not a priority, so stop making excuses and call it like it is.

Is saying you don’t have much time or no time really true? If you don’t have time, it’s obviously not a priority, so stop lying to yourself and everyone else. And remember, transformation often comes when we get really honest with ourselves… even when it’s uncomfortable.

Journal Prompt: What important activity are you claiming you “don’t have time” for? How could you reallocate 30 minutes a day to this activity?

Lessons in Resilience and Personal Responsibility

16. Choose to be a Victor, Not a Victim: Take responsibility for your life and choices rather than blaming circumstances.

There’s no badge of honor in victimhood. None.

There’s nothing good about it. Everyone has had varying degrees of bad things happen. Everyone. That’s life.

Like most people, bad things have happened to me. This doesn’t make me special, it makes me a human with some life under her belt. I think you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who’s never been mistreated, wronged or hurt by someone else at some point or another.

It’s safe to say I’ve had more experience with victimization than most. After working directly with crime victims for over 12 years, I feel fairly qualified to speak on the matter.

In that time, I had thousands of conversations with victims. I say “victim” because that’s the legal term used in the criminal justice system and that’s what I had to call people. I seriously hate the word though. I prefer “survivor” or even “victor” (cheesy, but better than the victim).

When you refer to yourself or someone else as a victim you’re giving up your/their power and giving it all to the perpetrator.

For example, I saw first hand in my job how absolutely gratifying that was for many perpetrators to see in court. Why would anyone want to give them that? Hold your head high. Rise above what happened. Don’t let the bad things define you. Learn from them. Heal. Gain strength from them. But move on and don’t dwell. This isn’t mean, it’s tough love.

This is a topic I’ll be writing more on in the future.

Journal Prompt: In what area of your life do you feel victimized? How can you shift your perspective to feel more empowered in this situation?

17. Goals Are Nice, But They’re Not Everything: Focus on developing effective daily systems and habits.

Read Atomic Habits by James Clear. It will change the way you feel about goals and habits completely. Your daily systems you have in place are what matter most. Lots of people have goals, but that doesn’t mean they amount to anything. It’s when you create effective systems and live by them that your goals happen by default.

Journal Prompt: What’s one daily habit you could develop that would make achieving your biggest goal almost inevitable?

18. The Stories You Tell Yourself Will Make You or Break You: Your internal narrative shapes your reality. Choose empowering stories. The stories we tell ourselves can be our biggest lesson and our greatest obstacle.

You have the power to improve your life or make things much worse depending on your stories. If you think to yourself how annoying or frustrating someone is, you’ll look for more annoying or frustrating events to confirm your story is right. (confirmation bias: see #3)

This causes more bad feelings and greater irritation. What if you told yourself that you’re bigger than minor annoyances and this person has been through something to cause them to act the way they do.

Rather than looking for confirmation of being right about how much the person annoys you, challenge yourself to be kind and empathetic. Open communication and talk with them to gain a better understanding and tell them how you feel in a tactful way. I’m not saying this is easy. It’s sure as hell is not, but it will bring you more peace and decrease frustration and animosity in your life.

Journal Prompt: What’s a limiting story you tell yourself? Rewrite this story in a way that empowers and motivates you.

19. There’s Value in the Struggle: Challenges help us grow and become stronger.

If you cut the chrysalis of a caterpillar it will die. The struggle it takes to get out of the cocoon is needed for it to survive on the outside.

There are times in life struggle is exactly what we need. Without it we miss valuable opportunities to learn and grow. The obstacles we face in life make us stronger.

Journal Prompt: Describe a past struggle that ultimately led to personal growth. How can this perspective help you with current challenges?

20. Listen More, Talk Less: Practice active listening to improve your relationships and understanding.

If you want to improve your relationships and social interactions greatly, practice active listening. From personal experience, really listening when someone’s talking to you can make a huge difference.

Don’t be tempted to tune them out if you don’t agree or if you’re excited to get in your next sentence, which is something lots of people do.

This is only half listening.

Listen fully and wait your turn to speak. Active listening gets easier with being more self-aware during conversations and with practice. People will remember how attentive you are and how that made them feel. Plus, you’ll have a much better understanding of the people in your life.

Journal Prompt: In your next conversation, focus on listening more than speaking. What new insights did you gain from this practice?

Lessons in Mindset and Emotional Intelligence

21. Stop Judging Everyone and Everything, Including Yourself: Approach the world as an observer rather than a judge.

I’ve found I’m a whole lot happier when I approach the world as an observer than a judge — when it comes to myself, other people, shitty situations, etc. Some things just are…not good or bad, they just are.

Journal Prompt: Notice your judgments for one day. How might releasing these judgments change your experiences and relationships?

22. Live in the “Right Now”: Find happiness in the present moment instead of postponing it.

It’s so common for people to put off happiness until after (fill-in-the-blank) happens. Don’t put off happiness anymore. My gosh, I wasted so many years doing this. You can find happiness in everyday life if you’re open to it. Plus, when you’re happy in the now, your manifestations will likely happen sooner.

As Andy Dooley says, “Feelings first. Manifestation second.”

Journal Prompt: List five things you’re grateful for in your life right now. How can you fully appreciate these in the present moment?

23. Don’t Spend Beyond Your Means: Avoid the stress of debt, especially from credit cards, by living within your means and saving for what you want.

I’ve found few things more draining (and embarrassing) than having debt for a long time. It’s a black cloud always following you and depleting your energy and peace. Don’t let short term satisfaction steal your long-term peace. It’s not worth it. Save your money and build up an emergency fund (enough to cover at least 6 months). If you want something, save for it, you’ll appreciate it more and enjoy not having the debt hanging over you.

Journal Prompt: What’s one area where you tend to overspend? Create a plan to curb this habit and redirect those funds to savings.

24. Be Aware of the Sunk Cost Fallacy: Don’t let past investments dictate future decisions if they’re no longer serving you.

Sunk cost is an economic term that basically means your decisions are being manipulated by your prior investment of time, money or energy, etc.

Here’s a personal example: For the first time last year, I decided to join a program promising to show me how to build an e-commerce business. Months passed and ungodly amounts of time and energy were spent, not to mention all the money for the program and the cost of Facebook ads, etc. Deep down I knew this plan was a total flop, but I couldn’t abandon the project because I already invested so much. I let another month pass and finally gave up and that was long overdue.

Be aware of this. It even applies to relationships, too.

Don’t be fast to quit just because things are hard, but don’t be afraid to ditch something that isn’t working and deep down you know will never work. Again, like many of these lessons, learn from it, cut your losses and be done.

Journal Prompt: Is there a project, relationship, or commitment you’re holding onto mainly because of what you’ve already invested? How would letting go benefit you?

25. Speak Your Truth, But Remember It Might Not Be THE Truth: Express yourself, but be open to the possibility that your perspective isn’t the only valid one.

I hear so many people saying “my truth” and I think I’ve even used that term myself. Be careful with it though. Individual perception should always be considered but the truth and your truth don’t always intersect. Refer back to #3 to for confirmation bias and why it’s dangerous.

Journal Prompt: Recall a time when your “truth” turned out to be incorrect. What did this experience teach you about perspective and humility?

Lessons in Emotional Well-being and Future Focus

26. People Will Always Talk: Don’t let gossip or others’ opinions control your actions or emotions.

Just remember, in the first place, you’re taking some pressure off the person they were talking about before you. And take comfort in that someone else will soon be in the spotlight to relieve you of being the center of gossip. I’ve always found the quote to be a good reminder when I come across gossiping or feel tempted to do it myself. Instead, change the subject or walk away. It’s low vibe and bad karma.

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Journal Prompt: How much energy do you spend worrying about what others think? How could you redirect that energy towards your personal growth?

27. Stop Worrying: Most worries never materialize, and even if they do, they’re rarely as bad as imagined.

Really. Give it up. Most of what you’re worried about almost never happens and if it does it’s rarely as bad as you imagined. There’s zero value in agonizing and making yourself sick over what other people are doing or situations outside of your control. Focus on what you can control and how you respond to the rest.

Journal Prompt: What’s your biggest worry right now? Write down the worst-case scenario, then brainstorm how you’d handle it if it actually happened.

28. Criticizing Others Reflects Poorly on You: Focusing on others’ flaws often reveals more about your own insecurities.

It says way more about you than it does them. It’s that simple.

Journal Prompt: Next time you feel the urge to criticize someone, pause and reflect. What does this impulse reveal about your own fears or insecurities?

29. No Matter How Bad the Situation Seems, It Will Pass: Remember that difficult times are temporary.

Promise.

Journal Prompt: Recall a past situation that seemed hopeless but eventually improved. How can this memory help you through current challenges?

30. The Best is Yet to Come: Maintain a positive outlook for the future.

Believe That.

Journal Prompt: Imagine your ideal future five years from now. What steps can you take today to move towards that vision?

Final Thoughts on Lessons Learned the Hard Way

These 30 lessons I learned the hard way have shaped my perspective and approach to life. While everyone’s journey is unique, I hope these insights and journal prompts inspire you to reflect on your own experiences and continue growing.

Remember, life’s challenges are often our greatest teachers. Embrace the lessons, keep an open mind, and trust that each experience is shaping you into a wiser, more resilient version of yourself. Whether you’re dealing with romantic relationships, best friends, or similar situations, these lessons can guide you through life’s challenges.

Which of these lessons resonates most with you? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let’s learn from each other’s experiences. After all, we’re all in this journey of life together, learning as we go.

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